Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Self Aware Teen: Chapter 3

Chapter Three:  Dead in the Water




“There she is!” exclaimed Chad, “Isn’t she a beaut?”


“Yo man, this crib is out of site!” exclaimed Zeke.


“It’s nice I guess,” said Jenn.  Chad proceed to smile like an idiot the rest of the way there, which was a noted improvement from the usual scowl he had on his face.  It was hard to see the cabin from the back seat of the car but it looked pretty nice.  It had two stories, lace curtains, a stone path and a tire swing.  There was also  a small garage in the back.  Maggie parked the car in the garage and everyone started to unload.  I grabbed my duffel bag and headed into the cabin.  The inside was pretty nice.  It reminded me of the Great Northern hotel from Twin Peaks.  I love that show, but the ending was a fucking head trip!  Way to give me nightmares for life David Linch you evil bastard!  I looked around the living room and saw that there was no television.  “This is going to be a long week,” I thought.  I almost ran back to the minivan and drove myself home, but then I realized I didn’t have my wallet or my cell phone with me.  Not that that fucking phone would be any help out here.  I went upstairs and picked out a room on the second floor.  


There were four rooms on the second floor.  Zeke and Chad shared and so did Ashley and Maggie, leaving the two single rooms for Jenn and I.   In my room I could see that there was a small door on the ceiling above my bed.  I stood on my bed and opened the door.  A ladder slid down and crashed 
into the pillow.  I moved the bed immediately.  It looked like the ladder led up to the attic.  I decided to climb up it and check it out.  I grabbed an old looking flashlight that was sitting on my night stand and climbed up the ladder.  I turned on the light and it flicked on and off like a strobe light. I gave it a good smack and finally the fucking thing decided to work.  The attic was old and dusty.  It was filled with all the dusty old shit you would expect to see in an attic, like dress forms, hat boxes, and spiders.  I turned off the light and put the flashlight in my pocket because there was enough light coming in through the boarded up window for me to see well enough.  I decided to snoop a little and open a few of the old chests, because why the hell not?  They had old clothes and pictures in them, nothing too interesting.  One of them seemed to let out a scream when I opened it, but whatever.  I looked around a little more and found a chest with a pistol and ton of silver bullets.  I inspected the bullets further and noticed they had strange markings on them.  I also saw a bunch of candles, red stains, and old bones on an old table in the corner.  It seemed strange I didn’t notice it before, but whatever.  God Chad’s family is fucking weird!  I looked around a little more and found a few rifles, a bow, silver tipped arrows, and a shotgun under a tarp.  They also had plenty of ammunition.  All this was for shooting bears I guessed.  The owners are dead now so who cares what they used the weapons for.  For whatever reason, probably to sell them later, I decided to take the guns out of the attic and put them in my closet.  I looked in the duffel bag that Zeke packed for me and found nothing but t-shirts.  Damn it Zeke!  I went back up to the attic to see if they had any clothes in my size.  Lucky for me I found a bunch of bell bottoms and plaid shirts.  I took them downstairs along with some really old looking scissors to cut off the bells at the end of the pants.


I was feeling a little bored, so I took the arrows with me out  into the yard.  I figured they must have targets set up somewhere, if not I could always practice on a tree.  I looked around the yard and sure enough someone had the same idea as I did and painted a bullseye on a large tree.  I was pretty good at archery as a little kid., the best in my summer camp because I didn’t want to hang out with the other kids.  I practiced shooting everyday for a week straight and soon enough I could hit my mark every time.  But that was several years ago and I hadn’t practiced archery since.  I aimed for the middle of the bullseye, drew back the string, took in a deep breath and released my arrow.  I heard the twang of the string and the silver tipped arrow whisked through the air with power and speed.  I miss the target completely.  I guess shooting arrows is not like riding a bike.  I loaded the bow with another arrow to try again.  The only good thing about it was that no one saw or at least that’s what I thought until I heard a loud “HA” come from the mini van.  “You SUCK!” yelled Chad as he and Zeke brought a cooler into the cabin.  I wasn’t sure if he meant at shooting arrows or in general.  I drew back my string and aimed the arrow at Chad and released.  The arrow sailed through the air and hit the ground right between Chad’s feet, again missing it’s intended target.


“Dude, you’re crazy!” yelled Chad, “You could have killed me!”


“Good thing I suck then! Ha ha ha!” I shouted back at him.


Chad and Zeke ran inside and I went into the woods to retrieve my first arrow.  I didn’t shoot the arrow too far, so I thought it would be pretty easy to find, but when I went deeper and deeper into the treeline and I still hadn’t found it.  After a while, I noticed there was a little cast iron fence blocking my way.  I looked over to my right and saw a small gate.  On the other side of the fence my arrow was sticking into the ground.  A beam of light shown through the trees spotlighting the arrow in a very convenient way.  I walked through the gate and over to the arrow.  All around me there were little grave stones sticking out of the ground.  I looked at one and it said “Sheldon the Goldfish”.  Who buries a fucking goldfish?  Drop that shit in a toilet and flush goddamnit!  Another said “Fido” and had a picture of a pitbull on it, actually it was very well done.  I looked around at even more grave stones.  I figured I must have been in the middle of a pet cemetery, but it was strange that so many pets were buried in the middle of the fucking woods, when the only house for miles was Chad’s uncle’s.  The whole thing seemed strange.  Being in the middle of so many dead pets reminded me of the time my parents 
bought me a pet hamster on my seventh birthday to teach me responsibility.  They in a box on the table and placed a card on top.  I wasn’t used to getting presents so I didn’t realize it was supposed to be for me.  After a few weeks my Mom asked me what I named my pet, and I said, “What pet?”  That’s when my mom opened the box and screamed.  She then stuffed the whole box in the garbage can.  Pets are fun aren’t they?  I grabbed my arrow and didn’t bother shutting the gate behind me. I grabbed the other arrow that missed Chad and went back into the house and everyone else was finished unpacking and hanging out in the living room.  I tossed the bow arrows in the corner by a window.


“Hey ladies since we’re all unpacked let’s go for a swim,” said Chad.


“Hells yeah, that lake is the bomb!” yelled Zeke.


“I don’t know I’m kinda tired from the drive, I think I might chill out for a bit,” said Jenn.


“Yeah I’ve been driving all day, so I think I might take a nap,” said Maggie.


“That’s wack yo, you babes should go swimming,” said Zeke.


“We need to make the most of our time here, am I right?” said Chad.


The girls looked unconvinced and I almost made it to the staircase before anyone noticed me when Chad suddenly shouted out, “Joe said he’ll go.”


“Then I’m like totally going for sure!” said Ashley.


“I think I’ll wear my new string Bikini,” said Jenn.


“I guess I could take a nap on the beach,” said Maggie, “besides I need to work on my tan.”


“It’s all settled then, we’ll meet you at the beach,” Chad raced across the room and grabbed me by the back of my shirt.  “Come on man, let’s get ready.”


“I don’t even have trunks,” I said as he and Zeke pushed me up the stairs.  I could hear the girls squee with delight when they thought we were out of earshot.  “My uncle has some trunks you can use,” said Chad.  They forced me into the room they were sharing.  Chad rifled through the dresser and threw some blue and white seventies style trunks.  “Now get in the bathroom and Change,” said Chad.  I put the trunks on while trying to avoid looking at myself in the mirror.  Ever since my curse I avoided mirrors like a vampire, but there was nothing I could do to avoid seeing my six pack abs and perfectly tan skin.  I had been eating nothing but sweets and junk food hoping I could get fat, but it was no use no matter what I ate I was still in shape.  I tried to push it out of my mind.  If I didn’t think about it or look at myself, then I could pretend I was my old self again.  I put my t-shirt back on left the bathroom.  Chad and Zeke were already changed by the time I got out, I guess they are really um “comfortable” with each other if they changed in the same room.  They dragged me out of the house and onto to beach.  On the lake, there was a pier that led out into the deep water.  Chad and Zeke looked at each other and smiled.  I knew what they were thinking and I didn’t like it.  They started dragging me down the pier and I yelled out the first lie I could think of.  “I can’t swim!  I can’t swim!” I shouted.  This made them laugh even more, those bastards.  I flopped on the ground and became dead weight, but they could still pick me up, and with heave they tossed me into the fucking lake.


The lake water was kind of refreshing, and getting tossed was fun.  I had never done anything like it before, but I was still mad as hell.  To pay them back, I decided to sink to the bottom of the lake so Chad and Zeke would believe I really couldn’t swim.  In reality, I am an excellent swimmer.  When you spend most of your time alone you have all the time in the world to practice and learn all kinds of skills like swimming, archery, and macrame to name a few.  The lake water was clean and clear, I opened my eyes and I could see the whole bottom of the lake.  In the distance there were shadowy black objects some moved fast like fish, some just swayed in the current of the water.  I relaxed my body and soon I had sunk to the bottom of the lake.  I felt something cold and metal in the sand where my hand was resting.  I grabbed it along with a bunch of sand, before I could inspect it further, I looked up saw someone swimming toward me.  I closed my eyes and pretended to go limp before I could clearly see who it was.



Before I knew it I was at the surface getting pulled to shore.  I could hear Zeke’s obnoxious voice say, “My bad yo.  I thought he was faking it.”  


“He was screaming ‘I can’t swim” what more do you need?!,” yelled Jenn.
“If he’s dead I’m like so going to murder you guys,” said Ashley.


“He’s not dead, he can’t be.  He was only in there for a minute,” said Chad.


“But the lake is like totally haunted for real with like the ghost of your dead ex aunt or whatever,” said Ashley.


Through process of elimination I figured that Maggie was the one who jumped into the lake to save me.  Chad and Zeke those fucking bastards couldn’t jump in and save me themselves.  She was a strong swimmer though and I could hear her breath heavily as she lugged me to shore.  I wondered if she had been a lifeguard or something.  “Wait a minute!” I thought, “Why do I care if she was a lifeguard or not?  Is she me? No! Then why should I care what she does!?! But still, why does she smell so good?”  I was angry so I sucked in a mouth full of water to spit in the face of whoever was stupid enough to try and give me mouth to mouth.  It ended up being Chad.


After the fake drowning things leveled out a little.  Jenn and Ashley sunbathed while Chad, Zeke and Maggie played water volleyball.  I took the opportunity to inspect the small shiny object I had found at the bottom of the lake.  It looked to be made of gold and after washing off the caked on dirt and sand I could see it was a small key.  But to what?  I stared at it intensely and wondered to what tiny treasure chest it belonged.  “What’s that?” asked Maggie.  She was chasing after a volley ball that had rolled next to my feet.


“Nothing, It’s just a key,” I answered.


“Can I see it?”


“Sure.”


I handed her the key.  Why did I let her see it?  It wasn’t her business.  When she took it her hand touched mine.  Her hand was soft, and her touch lingered long after she took her hand away.


“It looks like a key for a locket,” she said.


“I think it’s for a tiny treasure chest,” I said.


“Ha ha, I don’t think so,” laughed Maggie, “Where’d you get it?”


“At the bottom of the lake,” I said.  Why did I tell her that?  It’s none of her fucking business!


“Maybe the locket’s down there too, do you want to look for it?”


She gave me back the key and her hand touched mine again.  My heart pounded.  I wondered what my feelings towards her were.  It wasn’t hate, or indifference it was another feeling.  Somehow being next to her made me feel kind of stupid, like I would do anything she asked me.  I don’t know why.  I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.   Needless to say, I agreed to look for the locket with her.


“There’s no way you’ll find it terd,” Chad told me as Maggie and I prepared to dive off the pier.  “Besides,” he continued, “what if the owner of the locket threw the key in the lake and kept the locket somewhere else?  That’s what I’d do.”  I didn’t say anything because for once Chad’s arguments made perfect sense.  “Why don’t we make a contest out of it?” suggested Maggie, “We look for an hour, and whoever finds the locket gets to have the losers do whatever they want.  If none of us find it everyone has to do a dare.”

“I’m in!” called Jenn from the beach.  She looked at me and pursed her lips.


“Like me too!” said Ashley.


“Yeah lets do this thing!” said Zeke.


“Alright I’m in!” said Chad.


“I was already going to look for the locket before it became a contest, so therefore I don’t believe I should be subject the the rules of said contest,” I said.


“Don’t be an asshole,” said Chad.


“Alright then it’s settled,” said Maggie, “I’ll set the alarm on my waterproof watch.”


“Your watch is waterproof?  That’s totally rad!” said Zeke.


“Yeah, it’s a Swatch!  Everybody ready? On your mark, get set, go!”



Maggie dove into the water barely making a splash and we all soon followed after.  Ashley could barely swim so she was no competition, and Zeke spent most of his time pretending to be a shark, so it was really a competition between Chad, Jenn, Maggie and me.  We all wanted to win, but I wanted it the most.  The look of disappointment in Chad’s face alone was enough to try my hardest, but on top of that I could order everyone to take me back home.  I felt like I deserved to win for putting up with them for so long.  Listening to them sing on the way here was more than enough to fulfill the deal I made with Chad to help me kill the fairy.  I hate that fucking fairy so fucking much!  I hyperventilated to get as much oxygen in my blood as possible and then I dove down deep to the bottom of the clear lake.  I could see Maggie at the bottom of the lake looking through some rocks, and then another shadowy figure that must have been Chad.  I looked out to the deep water and saw a glimmer or something.  I decided to see what it was, so I swam over to it.  I ran out of air before I got there and went up to the surface to take a breath.  I was a lot further out than I intended to be.  I thought of going back in, but I looked into the water and the gold object was right under me so I decide to swim down to get it.  My mind was focused on the shiny gold object at the bottom of the lake that I couldn’t think of anything else.  I swam toward it as fast as I could.  I reached my hand out and grabbed it.  It was definitely a locket, but the chain was stuck around something.  I pulled hard and a motherfucking skull came out of the fucking sand!  The locket was stuck around the neck of a dead person!  I swam to the surface as fast as I could the bends be damned.  I was still clutching the locket, and I felt some resistance for a while but soon the locket broke free.  Lots of mud and sediment floated around me.  I began to panic.  I could have sworn that the body was trying to chase after me.  I reached the surface and vomited immediately.  This got the attention of the rest of the group and they all came out to join me.

“Gross,” said Chad and splashed the disgusting water away.  


“Did you find anything down there?” asked Maggie.


“No nothing of interest,” I replied.


“How long do we have on the bet?” asked Jenn.


“About fifteen minutes,” said Maggie.


“Well you all had better get searching over there somewhere,” I said and pointed to the dock, “That’s where I’m going and never coming back here again.”  Maggie had a wry smile on her face.


“You did find something down there didn’t you.  You are such a bad liar Joe.” she said.


“No It’s nothing! Go away!” I said.


“You sure did spew a lot for nothing,” said Zeke as he swam up to the group.  Ashley was also slowly paddling toward us on an innertube.  I needed to get away


“What’s that in your hand Joe?” asked Maggie


“Nothing, dead body!” I shouted and started swimming toward the dock.

“What!?” asked Maggie and chased after me.  She was a really good swimmer and soon caught up to me.  She grabbed at my hand and took the locket out of my hand.  She opened her hand to look at it, but then she went stiff.  She looked me in the eyes and slowly blinked but didn’t say anything, rather, she swam straight to the pier.  Did I just say rather?  Anyway I followed her, ready to give her a piece of my mind for stealing the locket, but when she got to the pier she collapsed and started shaking violently.  I didn’t know what to do.  Did she have fucking epilepsy or something?  I climbed up the ladder onto the pier.  I looked out on the lake and the others were still swimming toward us.  I saw a strange green glow come from the locket she clutched in her hand.  I knew I had to come up with a way to get her to let go of it, so that I could win the bet, oh and save her life.  “Maggie, give me the locket,” I said and reached out my hand.  I admit it wasn’t the most convincing argument in the world but I have always been one to use the direct approach.  There was no response from Maggie, just continued convulsing, and making a gurgling sound.  I figured that she must not have heard me through all the scary noises she was making, so I cleared my thought and said “Maggie, the locket!”  Maggie stopped shaking and sat up straight.  She looked up and me and her eyes were all white like they had rolled into the back of her head.  It was freaky and, I'm not gonna lie, strangely attractive.


“The one called Maggie no longer exists,” said Maggie in a low scratchy voice.


“Fine whoever you are give me that locket,” I said.


“When I was alive my lover gave me a locket and put both our pictures in it.  I wore it around my neck because I loved him so much.  He convinced me that he loved me too and so we were going to run away together, because my parents didn’t approve of him.  He told me to steal money from my parents and a horse and meet him by the lake at midnight.  He took the money and the horse.  Then he shot me in the face with a shotgun and left me to rot.  My soul lives in this locket now, and it curses all who wear it.  I will have my revenge on my lover!  I will kill him and anyone who gets in my way! WOOOO!!!!!!” she said and spit out some green foamy stuff.  


“Listen,” I said, “you need to give me that locket, so I can win the bet.”


“I WILL KILL YOOOOOU!!”


Maggie stood up and lunged at me with her hands open like she was going to strangle me.  Lucky for me when she opened her hands she let go of the locket.  I quickly picked it up while Maggie was returning to her senses.  Maggie then collapsed into my arms.


“Hey asshole,” said Chad, “did you find it?”


He and the rest of them were climbing up onto the pier at this point.  Jenn saw Maggie passed out in my arms and a look of pure rage flashed across her face.


“What’s wrong with her?” asked Jenn.
“She must have the bends, or something,” I said.  I picked up Maggie and wiped the green shit off her mouth.  I carried her to the beach.


“Did you find it or not?” asked Chad as he and the rest of them followed after me.


“Yeah I have it in my pocket,” I whispered, “But it’s cursed.”


“What!?” whispered Chad, “did it hurt Maggie?”


“Well, she may have been possessed by an evil murderous spirit for a while,”


“Oh my God, we have to throw it back in the lake where no one will find it!”


“But then I would lose the bet.”


“What’s worse losing a stupid bet or having people try to kill you?”


“That’s what I’m trying to figure out!” I yelled.


This caught the attention of the everyone else.  Chad just laughed a said, “Joe you’re hilarious!”  The he put his meaty arm around me.  This seemed to calm the suspicions of the rest of the group.  I had to admit Chad was pretty good at lying, something I am ashamed to say I have not mastered yet.


“I don’t know about you Josephine, but I’d rather not get murdered out in the middle of nowhere,” said Chad, “Let’s just toss it into the lake and forget about it.”


“Oh poor dumb, stupid, naive Chadette, you really do have shit for brains.  Have you have never seen a horror movie before.”


“Yes I have, and why do you say that?”


“What happens if we toss it in the lake and the tide drags it back in?  Your sexy, late night skinny dipping adventure with Jennifer turns into something more like a blood bath!  Did you ever think of that?”


“Good point but…”


“I have to find out more about it I’m going up to the cabin for a while make sure no one else comes in for a while.”


I set Maggie down on her towel and proceeded to walk toward the cabin.  Chad stopped at the edge of the beach and then yelled out, “How come the curse is not effecting you?”  I turned around with my arms outstretched and said, “I don’t know... Chad, maybe it’s because I’m already cursed!  Did you ever think of that?  Obviously not cuz you only think of yourself you dumb fuck!”


“What was that about dude?” asked Zeke

“Nothing man, nothing at all,” replied Chad.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The Self Aware Teen: Chapter 2





Chapter Two: Kidnapping is a Felony


After Randy and his friend left, I realized that I would have never been able to come up with faking illness on my own.  In that moment I realized that people can be very useful when it comes to getting out of hanging out with other people!  O.k. so my logic is a little flawed there, but I am only a teenager.  I immediately called the number Jennifer gave me and practiced my coughing. It wasn't very convening but I figured Jenn was dumb enough to believe whatever I told her.

“Hi, can I speak to Jennifer” I said.


“Yes,” said a girl.


“O.k. thank you.”


“You’re welcome.”


“Well.”


“Well what?”


“Can I talk to her?”


“You already are.”


“Oh God, what an Idiot, ...well here goes nothing.  COUGH!”


“Did you just yell cough?”


“No, I didn’t, Jennifer, I am sick and so I coughed.  COUGH!  I can’t go on the trip with you tomorrow.  I am sick, SNEEZE”


“You just said sneeze too!  When you are sick you don’t say the words silly.  Ha ha.”


“Didn’t say sneeze, I really sneezed, idiot.  That is how I sneeze!”


“No one sneezes like that!  When you are really sick you don’t say sneeze and cough you actually do it.  Are you playing a joke? Ha ha you are so funny Joe!  See you tomorrow!”


CLICK


“No wait!” I yelled, “Sneeze! COUGH! SNEEEEZZE!!!!... Damnit!”


I slammed down the phone with all my might.  This is why I hate people!


The next day Chad and Zeke arrived at my house at seven thirty.  They rang the doorbell and my mother let them in.  That bitch!  This is one of the reason’s why I hate her.  I could hear them thundering up the stairs so I pulled my covers over my head as if they would protect me from the impending doom.  They did not.  Chad ripped the covers off and threw me out of bed.  Zeke grabbed a duffel bag and stuffed it full of clothes.


“Listen Joe,” said Chad.  He held my legs as I tried to claw my way back into bed. “I know we aren’t friends, but I need you to help me out here.”


“Exactly we’re not friends, so why should I help you?  What’s in it for me?” I snapped.


“I know what happened to you,” he said, “The old lady coming to your door.  I saw her change into a beautiful lady and then break down your door.  Then suddenly you are the most popular guy in school.  If you don’t help me I will tell everyone how you got this way and that you have been lying to them this whole time!”


“O.K. go on and do it.  Who would believe you anyway?” I retorted.


“I would,” interjected Zeke, “cuz I saw it too, BITCH”


“Like I said, go tell everyone you know dumbasses!  I don’t give a shit,” I said and sat firmly on the bed.  “Why is it so important that I go with you anyway?  Couldn’t you take anyone else in the whole world?  Why am I somehow mixed up in this?”


“Look I need your help,” begged Chad, “I am in love with Jennifer, but she likes you for some reason, and the only way she would go with us is if you were coming, so we staged the whole scene at the dinner just to get you to come.”


“That was Staged, NO WAAAY!” I said sarcastically.


Thump! Thump! Thump! came a noise from the wall in between my room and my parents’ room.


“Keep it down we are trying to sleep!” yelled my Dad.


“Kiss my ass, DAD!” I yelled back.


“You’re a psychopath!!” shouted my dad.


“Takes one to make one!” I yelled.


“What can I do to get you to come?!” interrupted Chad.


“Nothing!” I hissed and buried my head in my pillow.  Chad and Zeke looked at each other in confusion.  I peaked my head out from under the pillow.  My heart melted a bit looking at their befuddled neanderthal-like expressions.  Maybe they could help.  They had seen the fairy afterall.


“Well… there may be something you can do,” I said reluctantly, “You see I was cursed by that fairy you saw.  I need you to kill her and break the cuse.”


“Hold on man that’s not a fair deal at all!” exclaimed Chad.


This prompted another knock from my parents.  I probably had one more knock before my dad would throw me out of the house, and then I would have to go with them.


“O.k., o.k. just help me break the curse then,” I said.


“Fine,” said Chad, “What do we have to do to break it?”


“I have to truly love someone, or whatever,” I said.


“Does yourself count,” asked Zeke hopefully.


“Obviously not,” said Chad.


“Then we are better off killing her!” said Zeke.


In the end they both agreed to help me and I hopped in the shower for about ten minutes and got ready for the trip to the lake.  “Six popular teens, one of them cursed, going to a lake in the forest.  I can’t see anything going wrong there,” I thought as is spit out my toothpaste.  I finished getting ready just in time.  The girls pulled up and we all climbed in Maggie’s mom’s minivan.
“Like hey everyone, I am totally excited that you all could make it!” said Ashley.


“Yeah totally,” I said sarcastically and Chad punched me in the back.  This made me fall over onto Jennifer who was sitting in the back seat for some reason.  Zeke took shotgun and Chad sat next to Ashley in the middle captain's chairs.  I situated myself and looked up to Chad giving me a death stare.  I think he wanted to switch places with me, but before we could come up with an excuse to switch Maggie had already hit the road.  I shrugged and Chad turned around in a huff.  He must of hated me a lot, because after the curse most people are incapable of feeling anger towards me.  Chad and my parents being the only exceptions I have seen so far.  It actually comforted me a little, but then I thought, “How much do my parents really hate me?”


“You guys, I like totally make a rad mixed tape to play on the way to the cabin!” said Ashley and she passed up her pink cassette tape to Maggie who popped it into the tape deck.

“I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, Love's going to leave me!” sang the girls at the top of their lungs.  I closed my eyes and tried to enter my happy place.  I imagined myself sitting down to eat the biggest chocolate swirl cupcake in the world, then the fairy came in and took it from me.  This was going to be a long ride.  Soon enough we had to stop for gas and to use the bathroom.  I hurried out of the car and went to the men’s room.  As I was hitting the head when a trucker guy came in and used the urinal right next to me, even though there were plenty of other ones to use.  Thanks fairy this happens every time!  I rolled my eyes and continued to pee.


“Hey kid,” he said, “the name’s Aaron.”  He reached over and tried to shake my hand but I refused.


“Where you headed?” he asked undeterred.


“To my car,” I replied.


“Ha ha, I like the cut of your jib boy,” he laughed.  


I finished up and went to the sink to wash my hands.  Aaron followed me and notably did not wash his hands rather continued the conversation.


“No,” he said, “where is your final destination?  I am going to Denver,”  he smiled and showed off his yellow crooked teeth.  Normally people named Aaron don’t have teeth like that.  It was so off putting that I couldn’t think of a good lie so I told the truth.


“A cabin on Lake Windermire,” I stammered.


“Oh the one up north a ways.”


“Yeah, that’s the one,”


I didn’t even bother with the electric drier I just shook the water off my hands and headed for the door.  Aaron intercepted my path.


“You know that lake is cursed.  They used to throw dead Indians in there during World War I.  Now it’s cursed by the ghosts of the Indians.  Even in death they couldn’t just leave.”


“Historically what you said makes no sense at all and it's also racist,” I said.


“I don’t care if it makes no sense, it’s true!  Ya’ll should come to Denver with me if you’re look’n for adventure,” bragged Aaron as he made a swivel motion with his hips.  I step around him and said, “What kind of a trucker is named Aaron anyway?”


“Now who’s being racist?” he asked with his his arms spread revealing a confederate flag t shirt that said “Give ‘em Hell”.
“Still you,” I snarked as I returned to the car.  I lock the doors and shivered.  Somehow I had to find a way to break this curse once and for all.  The rest of the party returned to the car shortly after and we were on our way.  I didn’t tell them about my encounter with Aaron.  It’s not like we are friends that I should recount every detail of my life to them!  Chad again seemed infuriated that I was again sitting next to Jennifer in the back seat.  We drove for another hour before my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided I wanted to know how Chad’s uncle had acquired this cabin.


“So Chad,” I said, “when did your uncle get this cabin?”


Chad perked up at a chance to sound cool in front of Jennifer, and Maggie turned down the radio.  Apparently everyone wanted to hear the answer to my question.



“Well,” Chad said as he cleared his throat and continued, “He inherited it from his ex wife about three months ago.”


“What do you mean inherited?  Is she dead?” asked Maggie.


“Yeah she died in a water skiing accident.  My uncle always said that her water skis were cursed because they would always fall off her feet all the time.  She didn’t believe him though, and well I don’t have to tell you the rest.  Anyway, she never changed her will so my uncle got the house,” answered Chad.

“Okay, so has he ever visited the house?” I asked.

“Yeah, once after his ex wife died.  He collected some stuff she left there, to give it to her relatives, but he was only there for a couple of hours.  He hasn’t been back there since, but apparently the house is in great shape,” Chad replied.


“Wait a minute did she die on the lake next to the cabin?” I asked.


“Yeah, but no where near the cabin I think, so even though they never found her body we should be fine,” he said.


“Like eww!” screamed Ashley, “What if I am like swimming in the water and a dead person’s hand touches me. Gross out!


“Like he said Ash,” Zeke chimed in,”It didn’t happen anywhere near his uncle’s crib, so chill.”


“Yeah Lake Windermire is huge!  Don’t worry about it.” said Chad in his most reassuring voice.


“Well,” said Jennifer, “I for one am not going to let a little dead body get in the way of my sunbathing.”  Then she looked at me and winked.


The others agreed to this statement, and then the loud mixed tape continued.  The time seems to pass quickly and we drive past a sign that says Lake Windermire exit one mile.  Everyone was excited as we exited the highway.  We were all feeling a little hungry and decide to grab a bite to eat before we drove up to the cabin.  Maggie stopped the car and everyone exited the minivan except for me.  I grabbed the mixed tape before I left and placed it under the back wheel of the van.  The place where we stopped was a greasy spoon named “Mountain Goat Dinner.”  And wouldn’t you know there was the front half of a goddamn goat coming out of their sign.  We went inside and sure enough the ass half of the goat was prominently displayed so as to look like the goat was busting through the wall of the diner, because nothing make you more hungry than a fucking goat goat ass hanging from the wall!  I didn’t know who came up with this idea but I wanted to send him through a wall.  We sat down at a booth.  Jennifer sat next to me and Chad sat next to her.  He gave me another sinister glare.  Zeke and the other girls sat across from us with Zeke in the middle.


“I’m starving,” said Maggie as she looked at the menu.


I browsed the menu too, but saw nothing that seemed remotely appealing to me.  Perhaps it was the theme named menu items such as “Goat mah mac’n’cheese” or “Billy goat’s gruff potatoes” either way I just decide to order some black coffee with pie and call it a day.  Before I knew it a waitress that had bright red hair, lips, and nails and most assuredly would call me honey, sweetie or some variant  there of came over to take our orders.


“Hi Hun, my name is Betsy and I need your waitress.  What can I get you?” she said and gave me the once over with her eyes.


“Goatconut Cream Pie and black coffee,” I said.


“Is that all hun?”


“Yeah, that’s my order.”


“We have a really great special are you sure you don’t want that hun?”


“No, I told you what I wanted, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t call me hun it seems pretty familiar for a stranger.”


“I’m sorry sugar I didn’t mean any offence.”


“Now you’re just trading one name for another.”


“Well what should I call you then?”


“Call him bitch, because that’s what he acting like,” interjected Chad.


“I swear to God Chad I will walk home right now!” I yelled.


“Come on now I didn’t mean to cause a fight sweetie,” said the waitress.


“You don’t have to be so mean to Joe, Chad,” said Jenn.


“Why do you always defend him Jenn?” asked Chad.


“You were like the one being a butt nugget Chad, God,” said Ashley.


“Who asked you Ashley?!” demanded Chad.


“I JUST WANT MY DAMN PIE!!” I shouted, and the whole restaurante fell silent.  Then suddenly everyone laughed. “You are so funny Joe,” said Jenn and she stroked my arm.  Chad wringed his napkin for the rest of the time we were at the diner, it gave me a slight satisfaction to see him so unhappy on account of me.  The waitress brought us our food and gave me the special “on the house”.  I inspected it and it was loaded with food that I deemed to too disgusting for human consumption.  I pushed the shit stack aside and took a bite of my pie, which was pretty damn good.  The waitress came back for more conversation.  Since we only people in the place I figured this would be a rather long and tedious conversation.


“So, how do like your food?” she asked.


“It’s good,” said Maggie with a smile.  


I hoped this would be enough to send her on her way but she continued the conversation.  “I haven’t seen you kids around here, are you from out of town?”


“Like for sure, we are totally going to stay in a lake house for like a few days, then we will like totally go back home,” said Ashley.


“Be careful hun, people around these parts say the lake is cursed, or haunted, or something.  Ha ha,” said the waitress.


“Is that something to be laughing about?” I asked.


“Well, sugar they are just old wives tales and superstitions.  There is usually a reasonable explanation for all the things that have happened out there,” she said.


“Wait, what things?”


“Enjoy your pie hun, you can pay your bill at the register whenever you’re ready.”

We finished up our food and piled into the minivan again. The lake is pretty big and it takes us a while to drive through town and to the site where Chad’s uncle’s cabin is.  The forest was lush and green and the air conditioned air in the minivan was getting stale, so we roll down the windows and enjoy the fresh air.  We turn off the main road and drive down a bumpy gravel road that led to the cabin.  It was a bit overgrown, but not too bad and it looked like someone might have just put some fresh gravel on the road.  I stuck my head out the window and breathed in deep.  “Maybe this trip wouldn’t be so bad after all,” I thought.  Wait hold on a moment, was that a positive thought? No, I take it back, this trip is going to suck!