Chapter Two: Kidnapping is a Felony
After Randy and his friend left, I realized that I would have never been able to come up with faking illness on my own. In that moment I realized that people can be very useful when it comes to getting out of hanging out with other people! O.k. so my logic is a little flawed there, but I am only a teenager. I immediately called the number Jennifer gave me and practiced my coughing. It wasn't very convening but I figured Jenn was dumb enough to believe whatever I told her.
“Hi, can I speak to Jennifer” I said.
“Yes,” said a girl.
“O.k. thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Well.”
“Well what?”
“Can I talk to her?”
“You already are.”
“Oh God, what an Idiot, ...well here goes nothing. COUGH!”
“Did you just yell cough?”
“No, I didn’t, Jennifer, I am sick and so I coughed. COUGH! I can’t go on the trip with you tomorrow. I am sick, SNEEZE”
“You just said sneeze too! When you are sick you don’t say the words silly. Ha ha.”
“Didn’t say sneeze, I really sneezed, idiot. That is how I sneeze!”
“No one sneezes like that! When you are really sick you don’t say sneeze and cough you actually do it. Are you playing a joke? Ha ha you are so funny Joe! See you tomorrow!”
CLICK
“No wait!” I yelled, “Sneeze! COUGH! SNEEEEZZE!!!!... Damnit!”
I slammed down the phone with all my might. This is why I hate people!
The next day Chad and Zeke arrived at my house at seven thirty. They rang the doorbell and my mother let them in. That bitch! This is one of the reason’s why I hate her. I could hear them thundering up the stairs so I pulled my covers over my head as if they would protect me from the impending doom. They did not. Chad ripped the covers off and threw me out of bed. Zeke grabbed a duffel bag and stuffed it full of clothes.
“Listen Joe,” said Chad. He held my legs as I tried to claw my way back into bed. “I know we aren’t friends, but I need you to help me out here.”
“Exactly we’re not friends, so why should I help you? What’s in it for me?” I snapped.
“I know what happened to you,” he said, “The old lady coming to your door. I saw her change into a beautiful lady and then break down your door. Then suddenly you are the most popular guy in school. If you don’t help me I will tell everyone how you got this way and that you have been lying to them this whole time!”
“O.K. go on and do it. Who would believe you anyway?” I retorted.
“I would,” interjected Zeke, “cuz I saw it too, BITCH”
“Like I said, go tell everyone you know dumbasses! I don’t give a shit,” I said and sat firmly on the bed. “Why is it so important that I go with you anyway? Couldn’t you take anyone else in the whole world? Why am I somehow mixed up in this?”
“Look I need your help,” begged Chad, “I am in love with Jennifer, but she likes you for some reason, and the only way she would go with us is if you were coming, so we staged the whole scene at the dinner just to get you to come.”
“That was Staged, NO WAAAY!” I said sarcastically.
Thump! Thump! Thump! came a noise from the wall in between my room and my parents’ room.
“Keep it down we are trying to sleep!” yelled my Dad.
“Kiss my ass, DAD!” I yelled back.
“You’re a psychopath!!” shouted my dad.
“Takes one to make one!” I yelled.
“What can I do to get you to come?!” interrupted Chad.
“Nothing!” I hissed and buried my head in my pillow. Chad and Zeke looked at each other in confusion. I peaked my head out from under the pillow. My heart melted a bit looking at their befuddled neanderthal-like expressions. Maybe they could help. They had seen the fairy afterall.
“Well… there may be something you can do,” I said reluctantly, “You see I was cursed by that fairy you saw. I need you to kill her and break the cuse.”
“Hold on man that’s not a fair deal at all!” exclaimed Chad.
This prompted another knock from my parents. I probably had one more knock before my dad would throw me out of the house, and then I would have to go with them.
“O.k., o.k. just help me break the curse then,” I said.
“Fine,” said Chad, “What do we have to do to break it?”
“I have to truly love someone, or whatever,” I said.
“Does yourself count,” asked Zeke hopefully.
“Obviously not,” said Chad.
“Then we are better off killing her!” said Zeke.
In the end they both agreed to help me and I hopped in the shower for about ten minutes and got ready for the trip to the lake. “Six popular teens, one of them cursed, going to a lake in the forest. I can’t see anything going wrong there,” I thought as is spit out my toothpaste. I finished getting ready just in time. The girls pulled up and we all climbed in Maggie’s mom’s minivan.
“Like hey everyone, I am totally excited that you all could make it!” said Ashley.
“Yeah totally,” I said sarcastically and Chad punched me in the back. This made me fall over onto Jennifer who was sitting in the back seat for some reason. Zeke took shotgun and Chad sat next to Ashley in the middle captain's chairs. I situated myself and looked up to Chad giving me a death stare. I think he wanted to switch places with me, but before we could come up with an excuse to switch Maggie had already hit the road. I shrugged and Chad turned around in a huff. He must of hated me a lot, because after the curse most people are incapable of feeling anger towards me. Chad and my parents being the only exceptions I have seen so far. It actually comforted me a little, but then I thought, “How much do my parents really hate me?”
“You guys, I like totally make a rad mixed tape to play on the way to the cabin!” said Ashley and she passed up her pink cassette tape to Maggie who popped it into the tape deck.
“I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, Love's going to leave me!” sang the girls at the top of their lungs. I closed my eyes and tried to enter my happy place. I imagined myself sitting down to eat the biggest chocolate swirl cupcake in the world, then the fairy came in and took it from me. This was going to be a long ride. Soon enough we had to stop for gas and to use the bathroom. I hurried out of the car and went to the men’s room. As I was hitting the head when a trucker guy came in and used the urinal right next to me, even though there were plenty of other ones to use. Thanks fairy this happens every time! I rolled my eyes and continued to pee.
“Hey kid,” he said, “the name’s Aaron.” He reached over and tried to shake my hand but I refused.
“Where you headed?” he asked undeterred.
“To my car,” I replied.
“Ha ha, I like the cut of your jib boy,” he laughed.
I finished up and went to the sink to wash my hands. Aaron followed me and notably did not wash his hands rather continued the conversation.
“No,” he said, “where is your final destination? I am going to Denver,” he smiled and showed off his yellow crooked teeth. Normally people named Aaron don’t have teeth like that. It was so off putting that I couldn’t think of a good lie so I told the truth.
“A cabin on Lake Windermire,” I stammered.
“Oh the one up north a ways.”
“Yeah, that’s the one,”
I didn’t even bother with the electric drier I just shook the water off my hands and headed for the door. Aaron intercepted my path.
“You know that lake is cursed. They used to throw dead Indians in there during World War I. Now it’s cursed by the ghosts of the Indians. Even in death they couldn’t just leave.”
“Historically what you said makes no sense at all and it's also racist,” I said.
“I don’t care if it makes no sense, it’s true! Ya’ll should come to Denver with me if you’re look’n for adventure,” bragged Aaron as he made a swivel motion with his hips. I step around him and said, “What kind of a trucker is named Aaron anyway?”
“Now who’s being racist?” he asked with his his arms spread revealing a confederate flag t shirt that said “Give ‘em Hell”.
“Still you,” I snarked as I returned to the car. I lock the doors and shivered. Somehow I had to find a way to break this curse once and for all. The rest of the party returned to the car shortly after and we were on our way. I didn’t tell them about my encounter with Aaron. It’s not like we are friends that I should recount every detail of my life to them! Chad again seemed infuriated that I was again sitting next to Jennifer in the back seat. We drove for another hour before my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided I wanted to know how Chad’s uncle had acquired this cabin.
“So Chad,” I said, “when did your uncle get this cabin?”
Chad perked up at a chance to sound cool in front of Jennifer, and Maggie turned down the radio. Apparently everyone wanted to hear the answer to my question.
“Well,” Chad said as he cleared his throat and continued, “He inherited it from his ex wife about three months ago.”
“What do you mean inherited? Is she dead?” asked Maggie.
“Yeah she died in a water skiing accident. My uncle always said that her water skis were cursed because they would always fall off her feet all the time. She didn’t believe him though, and well I don’t have to tell you the rest. Anyway, she never changed her will so my uncle got the house,” answered Chad.
“Okay, so has he ever visited the house?” I asked.
“Yeah, once after his ex wife died. He collected some stuff she left there, to give it to her relatives, but he was only there for a couple of hours. He hasn’t been back there since, but apparently the house is in great shape,” Chad replied.
“Wait a minute did she die on the lake next to the cabin?” I asked.
“Yeah, but no where near the cabin I think, so even though they never found her body we should be fine,” he said.
“Like eww!” screamed Ashley, “What if I am like swimming in the water and a dead person’s hand touches me. Gross out!
“Like he said Ash,” Zeke chimed in,”It didn’t happen anywhere near his uncle’s crib, so chill.”
“Yeah Lake Windermire is huge! Don’t worry about it.” said Chad in his most reassuring voice.
“Well,” said Jennifer, “I for one am not going to let a little dead body get in the way of my sunbathing.” Then she looked at me and winked.
The others agreed to this statement, and then the loud mixed tape continued. The time seems to pass quickly and we drive past a sign that says Lake Windermire exit one mile. Everyone was excited as we exited the highway. We were all feeling a little hungry and decide to grab a bite to eat before we drove up to the cabin. Maggie stopped the car and everyone exited the minivan except for me. I grabbed the mixed tape before I left and placed it under the back wheel of the van. The place where we stopped was a greasy spoon named “Mountain Goat Dinner.” And wouldn’t you know there was the front half of a goddamn goat coming out of their sign. We went inside and sure enough the ass half of the goat was prominently displayed so as to look like the goat was busting through the wall of the diner, because nothing make you more hungry than a fucking goat goat ass hanging from the wall! I didn’t know who came up with this idea but I wanted to send him through a wall. We sat down at a booth. Jennifer sat next to me and Chad sat next to her. He gave me another sinister glare. Zeke and the other girls sat across from us with Zeke in the middle.
“I’m starving,” said Maggie as she looked at the menu.
I browsed the menu too, but saw nothing that seemed remotely appealing to me. Perhaps it was the theme named menu items such as “Goat mah mac’n’cheese” or “Billy goat’s gruff potatoes” either way I just decide to order some black coffee with pie and call it a day. Before I knew it a waitress that had bright red hair, lips, and nails and most assuredly would call me honey, sweetie or some variant there of came over to take our orders.
“Hi Hun, my name is Betsy and I need your waitress. What can I get you?” she said and gave me the once over with her eyes.
“Goatconut Cream Pie and black coffee,” I said.
“Is that all hun?”
“Yeah, that’s my order.”
“We have a really great special are you sure you don’t want that hun?”
“No, I told you what I wanted, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t call me hun it seems pretty familiar for a stranger.”
“I’m sorry sugar I didn’t mean any offence.”
“Now you’re just trading one name for another.”
“Well what should I call you then?”
“Call him bitch, because that’s what he acting like,” interjected Chad.
“I swear to God Chad I will walk home right now!” I yelled.
“Come on now I didn’t mean to cause a fight sweetie,” said the waitress.
“You don’t have to be so mean to Joe, Chad,” said Jenn.
“Why do you always defend him Jenn?” asked Chad.
“You were like the one being a butt nugget Chad, God,” said Ashley.
“Who asked you Ashley?!” demanded Chad.
“I JUST WANT MY DAMN PIE!!” I shouted, and the whole restaurante fell silent. Then suddenly everyone laughed. “You are so funny Joe,” said Jenn and she stroked my arm. Chad wringed his napkin for the rest of the time we were at the diner, it gave me a slight satisfaction to see him so unhappy on account of me. The waitress brought us our food and gave me the special “on the house”. I inspected it and it was loaded with food that I deemed to too disgusting for human consumption. I pushed the shit stack aside and took a bite of my pie, which was pretty damn good. The waitress came back for more conversation. Since we only people in the place I figured this would be a rather long and tedious conversation.
“So, how do like your food?” she asked.
“It’s good,” said Maggie with a smile.
I hoped this would be enough to send her on her way but she continued the conversation. “I haven’t seen you kids around here, are you from out of town?”
“Like for sure, we are totally going to stay in a lake house for like a few days, then we will like totally go back home,” said Ashley.
“Be careful hun, people around these parts say the lake is cursed, or haunted, or something. Ha ha,” said the waitress.
“Is that something to be laughing about?” I asked.
“Well, sugar they are just old wives tales and superstitions. There is usually a reasonable explanation for all the things that have happened out there,” she said.
“Wait, what things?”
“Enjoy your pie hun, you can pay your bill at the register whenever you’re ready.”
We finished up our food and piled into the minivan again. The lake is pretty big and it takes us a while to drive through town and to the site where Chad’s uncle’s cabin is. The forest was lush and green and the air conditioned air in the minivan was getting stale, so we roll down the windows and enjoy the fresh air. We turn off the main road and drive down a bumpy gravel road that led to the cabin. It was a bit overgrown, but not too bad and it looked like someone might have just put some fresh gravel on the road. I stuck my head out the window and breathed in deep. “Maybe this trip wouldn’t be so bad after all,” I thought. Wait hold on a moment, was that a positive thought? No, I take it back, this trip is going to suck!
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